Give yourself a task. Small at first, especially if you get overwhelmed. Today, for example, my task was to get all the laundry folded. I told my kids that if they came downstairs during this process, that they would have to assist me and then carry their laundry upstairs and put it away. Don't get me wrong - normally, I'm a huge proponent of chores. My kids are ages 5 and 8, and I find they are fully capable of doing chores. However, today I needed to keep my hands and mind busy. Now, folding laundry seems kinda mindless and some fear their minds wander. Well, here's my trick. Get the number of bins that you have family members. Put them in no order...choose which bin is for which person. Mix them up, don't give it logic. Then you will have to currently be thinking about which bin to throw a person's clothes in. It sounds simple, but seriously it works. Before I knew it, I was done. Okay, task accomplished. Now, new task - putting it away. One person at a time. So here's the deal... again I needed distraction. So instead of just putting my husbands clothes away, I pulled all his t-shirts out of his closet and added them to the laundry I had just done. Then, new piles of different types of t's. See my hubs has undershirts, wicking t-shirts, random college tees...so I separated all of them into different piles, folded neatly and put them back. Voila - two birds! Laundry put away and a cleaner closet! This went on for a while since I had other people's laundry to put away too. This is when you choose to rearrange your children's drawers or purge some stuff. It keeps your brain and your hands busy. Not to mention your body gets up and moving.
Now, let me also state that I take a daily anxiety medicine and today I needed my little extra helper of Xanax. Eased my stomach so I could eat and calmed the cold chillies I get when anxious. But even with all this said, I wasn't anxious about all this stuff. Living in a chaotic mess doesn't make me anxious. What does is my husband coming home to the chaotic mess. It frustrates him. Makes him a bit tense. He doesn't say anything - unless it gets really bad, but I can tell by his mannerisms and such that it gets to him So, in this case, he gets a clean house and I can relax knowing I did something to make him happy.
I know, I know, I sound like a 50's wife. Trust me - I am definitely not! I am such an independent woman, but choosing to stay home when I had children, caused me to have to become a bit dependent on someone else to financially support us. It has been a very difficult struggle and sometimes the cause of my anxiety. I was raised a very independent, college graduate, pay your own bills, make money, put food on the table, have a mortgage - type of woman. And as much as I love being home with my kids, and being here and raising functioning, happy, healthy, polite children that will do well in society - well, the fact is - it's a thankless job. It's an isolating job. The reward is slow and steady and sometimes we miss it. And yes, I do like the fact that I spend most of my days in yoga pants, I do crave the opportunity to get dressed up. Get out of the house. Feel productive and adored and praised by people that are taller than 50"...
Here's some advice to those of you who are home and feel isolated and under-appreciated...let your spouse know...tell them you NEED to hear what a good job you are doing. It sounds silly, but for me, my love language is verbal affirmations. Yours may not be, but regardless you are opening your lines of communication and this helps make suffering from anxiety a little less anxious.
~B
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