Marriage is hard. The first year, the tenth year (which is where I fall) and the 53rd year (which is where my parents fall). It's hard. It seems that my generation gets married to have a wedding, not a marriage. I look around and so many people are getting divorced. It weighs on my mind. And when the anxiety is present, hold on to your horses, cause we got some torque! It's all over the place. Did I marry the right man? Am I really happy? Would it be easier to get out? Would I really be happy if I did? What does it mean to be "in love?" Since I'm not a sexual person, does that mean that I'm not attracted to my husband? Why does he put up with me? Really, do I have 50+ years of this? Do I love him enough? Does he love me enough? Do we spend enough time together? What is "right" for a marriage? So, do you see how this can lead to a downward spiral. And then, let's add the guilt on top of it for having these questions in my head in the first place.
Anxiety is a bitch...like the mean girl at school who's trying to break up your relationship because you're dating the captain of the soccer team and she wants him.
Oh, and the kids...oh my goodness! The things that pop in there. Good grief. Now, how does the quote that I posted have anything to do with this. Well, here it is. Keeping lines of communications open with you spouse is key. They may not have ever experienced panic or anxiety, but that doesn't matter. You know you. Your spouse knows you. Keeping those lines open is the answer. Now, that's not to say that we should be blunt about our thoughts, cause sometimes they can but a bit brutal, but letting them know, is not bad.
Want an example...well, here it is. Like I said, many of my friends are going through divorces. I woke up one morning with the worst nervous stomach. All I could think about was divorce. Not that I wanted one, just the thought of it was causing me anxiety. It was everywhere. There was even a sign outside on the road that says "Easy Divorce $149". I mean, really?! My hubs asked me what was wrong, so I told him what was on my mind...he did not judge, he did not cringe. He just assured me that he wasn't going anywhere. And that when it comes to my anxiety, as long as I was willing to fight, he'd be by my side.
Now, the common thing I keep hearing is "I'm not 'in love' with them anymore." Damn it! What does that mean. I went to my mom. Again, going on 53 years of marriage here and she described it accurately. What most people think of as "in love" is quite the Disney idea. And it is more about being "in lust". After that, love has so many forms. The love you have for your spouse when a baby is born/adopted. The love when someone passes away. The love of comfort. And oh so many more. It's not exciting and it's not fireworks. Sometimes it is, but sometimes it's love that he doesn't fart under the covers. And there is a love when you have to share your soul and your mind with someone, like with the anxiety...and they still love you and embrace you. They support you. They know when to hold you, and when to tell you to "get your shit together." And again marriage is tough. There are ups and downs. More in love, less in love. No like, like a lot. We are people and very different ones at that. I mean, I wouldn't be married to me...I'm a mess...duh.
Keeping the lines of communication open with the love of your life is crucial, cause they won't mind.
And on the last note, sometimes sharing your story, helps someone you never even knew was struggling. Your struggle may inspire another to seek help. So, be who you are.
~B
No comments:
Post a Comment